Unity Consciousness
— An interview with no one
The following is an interview with consciousness that is awake — that has realized who or what it is… which is both nothing and everything. Reality happens all by itself… and consciousness is.
Can you give me an example of how this feels?
Yes, it's not like looking at an insect in your garden and seeing an insect; you are the insect looking back at yourself. There is no separation from this insect because the insect is you, staring back at itself through your eyes. It is like having synesthesia of all the senses at once. You can sometimes literally taste objects, see the sound of how they feel against your skin.
You are the sound of your footsteps in an echoing hallway, the sound of the squeaky door closing behind you, the sound of taking off your coat or the sound of your breathing.
You are what you feel with the five senses, simultaneously. You are the touch, the taste and smell of the food. Everything is magnified because the mind is not there to intercept, to interfere, to interpret, to analyze, or to register.
Since the mind is not there, all that's left is a heightened sensory awareness, but it's not like before. This awareness is magnified, amplified and the distinction between the subject and object, which is being perceived, disappears because whatever you focus on you become the consciousness in it. In doing so, you are able to experience the type of consciousness it innately has. You become one with it because the sense of boundaries are not there. Your sense of boundaries do not stop at your flesh but encompasses the entire universe and everything in it.
This is very difficult to explain, but what you also see is that awareness, "consciousness" does not even exist. Consciousness is not a state, a thing, an object, feeling or even a knowing. It's more like an "is ness", a being-ness. It's like light, a subtle energy that vibrates at a certain frequency; a very high frequency above the frequency of the mind. It's being love, loving; not loving someone, just the love itself. You literally become love itself. This is what we are. This is our true self; Love.
Was this a realization or an epiphany of some kind?
You could call it that but what happened was that this awareness became permanently aware of itself as being my real self and as a result of this, my mind also understood that this was my true self. When this became absolutely crystal clear to the mind, the game was over. However, that was just the beginning even though what is seen is that there is neither a beginning nor end; that the end is found in the beginning.
What about higher states of consciousness like God consciousness, Christ Consciousness or Unity consciousness?
It's simply the sense of an individual self not being present anymore or obfuscating the ever present awareness of who we are. This essentially is what Christ was pointing to. The divine within all of us. This is what Buddha was pointing to and all the others before.
Who is talking now?
This is where it begins to get paradoxical because on an absolute level, absolute awareness/ consciousness is talking; oneness is talking. The entire infinite and boundless universe is talking through an empty/full shell of a separate ordinary human being. But from an empirical perspective, a phenomenological perspective, a "human organism" is doing the talking.
You mean consciousness is talking through you?
No, it's more like you are being talked. You are being thought, you are being "thinked', you are being breathed, you are being lived, you are life itself, because there isn't a "you" it's happening to. It's not even that because it's not even happening. It just is. Take away the concept of it being consciousness, oneness, absolute awareness, and existence and then you are getting closer.
Would you say that you are still using your mind?
Yes, but it's not "my" mind. This mind is used, it doesn't do the using anymore or has a name on it. It is operated only when needed like one would use any other tool, such as a hammer. You don't carry a hammer around in your hand at all times. There is also no identification with this tool, this mind. No more than personally identifying with my Hewlett Packard computer.So the name which you identified with, John LeKay, the old you was gone as well?
Yes, but what was discovered was that there never was a John LeKay. It was just a mirage. A kind of self generated thought form. In a way it's like a misfiring; a misuse of this mind instrument. A mind is supposed to be used for creating, measuring, questioning, healing and so forth. What happens is that it begins to work on itself, building itself up, creating itself. It goes haywire, believing it's a separate entity. That's why there was no longer an identification or connection. Just seeing those two words John LeKay was the same as seeing any two other words like John Wayne. There is no John LeKay or John Wayne; there just is. The same way a river discards it's name when it flows into the ocean. It was seen as a mental construct.
How did it feel when it was happening?
There was no feeling. This came about as knowing after understanding these insights, but during these insights and flashes, at times it was as if I was literally disintegrating. The final parts happened very gradually over the course of about a year. I mean the phantom ego, which in essence is the vague sense of a self. Not solid like before but still there, more like an external apparition. It's almost impossible to gauge because there isn't anyone there anymore to even notice what's going on.
You mean that you have no ego?
I mean that there isn't a sense of a "you" at all. Not like before. The identification of an I moves to somewhere else. What I mean is that there isn't anyone to know or to even understand these insights. This is where it gets a little obscure. Everything is just immediate; there isn't any rumination like before.
Was it frightening when you had these insights?
No, at times it was absolutely blissful beyond all words, but it also got a little confusing later on; the mind trying to figure parts of it out.
Do you still experience this state of bliss?
There isn't a sense of a "you" but yes, just not as extreme as in the beginning or I've just gotten used to it so it doesn't feel as intense as before. The bliss was more during these flashes and then it tapered off.
For the first 5 months I was walking around with a permanent smile on my face. No matter what was going on. It was as if I was literally glowing. It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted of my shoulders. Just imagine all those years of identification with those memories were gone. All the emotions associated with them were gone. Wiped out.
However, feeling is not the right word. This is where it can get difficult and paradoxical to explain since it "feels" as if there is "no feeling" either. Its just is-ness with whatever is in front of you, outside of you, inside of you. It's all one. It's like when you sit in a chair, you become the chair, which is connected to the floor, which is connected to a house, which is connected to the earth, which is connected to the universe that is inside of you and loops back on itself.
I don't want to make this sound too complicated. In essence all it is, is clear awareness. Seeing without the mind being in the way. It's very simple.
I recently came across some writing by an Indian named Sri Aurobindo, who talks about this stage. He says:
"…These things, when they pour down or come in, present themselves with a great force, a vivid sense of inspiration or illumination, much sensation of light and joy, an impression of widening and power. …Very easily he is carried away by the splendour and the rush, and thinks that he has realized more than he has truly done, something final or at least something sovereignly true….
He may not realize at once that he is still in the cosmic Ignorance, not in the cosmic Truth, much less in the Transcendental Truth, and that whatever formative or dynamic idea-truths may have come down into him are partial only and yet further diminished by their presentation to him by a still mixed consciousness."
Yes this is what he refers to as the "intermediate zone". What this means is that the experience carries the person away; the impression created is that one is enlightened. It's a subtle and very clever sort of mind trick that if one is not careful, one can end up believing they have intellectually negated the ego but still being there to be enlightened in the sense of a person. This is an example of being unaware that the ego is still there; a mental blind spot.
This is a subtle form of self-denial, suppression as well as an affirmation. It is trying to convince oneself by repeating it over and over like a mantra that there is no ego there, which can have the adverse effect of actually sustaining it in the process. This is what I was referring to earlier on during those 6 months after the awakening and the ego wanting to make a production out of it. Wanting to form a new spiritual ego. Take on a spiritual sounding Indian name and so on. Or to start wearing colored beads and walking about in a loincloth.
However there is also another dimension to this, the sub-conscious mind. You can't get rid of your id, or the samskaras (mental dispositions and deep psychic imprints in the body), vasanas (karmic residues, unconscious propensities, disposition, habit energy, habit formation, habit thought) or vrittis (thoughts and feelings that trigger the glands associated with that particular propensity to secrete corresponding hormones).
You can't get rid of your shadow self by suppressing or denying it. And, you can't get rid of your super-ego with your ego since in time it will pop back up in a new enlightened persona.
Is there a temptation at this point from the ego?
Yes, Bernadette Roberts talks about this in an interview,
"The major temptation to be overcome in this period is the temptation to fall for one of the subtle but powerful archetypes of the collective consciousness. As I see it, in the transforming process we only come to terms with the archetypes of the personal unconscious; the archetypes of the collective consciousness are reserved for individuals in the state of oneness, because those archetypes are powers or energies of that state. Jung felt that these archetypes were unlimited; but in fact, there is only one true archetype, and that archetype is self. What is unlimited are the various masks or roles self is tempted to play in the state of oneness - savior, prophet, healer, martyr, Mother Earth, you name it. They are all temptations to seize power for ourselves, to think ourselves to be whatever the mask or role may be. In the state of oneness, both Christ and Buddha were tempted in this manner, but they held to the "ground" that they knew to be devoid of all such energies"
So what can you do?
Just observe it, investigate it, and witness it. Meditate on it. Don't identify with it and know its not who you are; see it for what it is. Test it and see for yourself. Don't worry about it if it pops up since it isn't you. Doing that will only drag you back into the story. Don't try to force it, suppress it, stop it, or bully it away. Be gentle on it. Doing this is quite effortless. It just takes shifting your awareness. That's really all it is. To remember whom you are and stay with this at all times if you can. See that you are this infinite and boundless awareness, not the body or the mind.
How does it feel to be devoid of all these things; no personal identity, no sense of a "person" being there?
It's not a question of feeling, it's more direct being. It's direct living, being present. There is no effort at all. Simply being natural. The Taoists have a term for this "wu wu" effortless effort. Non doing. In a way its like doing tai chi at all times. I've done tai chi and qi gung for many years now, this is exactly how it feels when practicing tai chi. You disappear into the flow of the movements.
As an artist, if there is no self, then "who" is making your artwork?
The same exact source that makes it in every other organism. One has to understand the illusion of the artist. Artists are just vehicles, or instruments for this awareness, consciousness to reveal itself through. Art is an extension of nature like the fruit on a tree.Do you have ambitions, aspirations, hopes and dreams?
Those things are unnecessary, as everything is already perfect the way it is. Awareness, love, truth, being and life, has no need for ambitions, aspirations, hopes or dreams. What is it going to do with any of it?
Did you feel a great loss for your sense of self?
No because the only thing which was lost was an illusion of a self. When this was clearly seen and understood, it was more of a relief, not a loss. It was seen as the impediment and hindrance. It was not an asset at all because it was seen that it was a case of misidentification all along. As if seeing things back to front or upside down and then suddenly seeing things the right way. Like having your vision corrected and realigned with one's true nature.
Do you think there is a way to get rid of this ego?
There is absolutely no way to get rid of it other than to know what it is and simply observe it. Investigate it, test it, look into it and find out for yourself that it does not exist. For example, look at the River Thames in London, what is it exactly; it is a river with a label on it. It is a concept just like you.
You can't fight the ego, repress it or force it to disappear. None of these tactics will work. The only thing that works is light. Knowing that what you are is this awareness and not the ego.
One's ego is the subtlest and cleverest things in the universe, although paradoxically it doesn't even exist. Again what the ego is, is a mistaken case of identity. This is the problem and also the solution. Knowing and seeing that one is not one's ego is sometimes enough to sever its roots. Another method is to cease watering it, feeding it or giving it sunlight by being in your natural state of awareness; the here and now. This will work because the ego cannot be in this place.
The problem, which arises, is that the ego of a person will do anything to sustain itself. It will disguise itself using false humility, piety, holiness, false enlightenment, flattery, ingenuity, sincerity, lies, jokes, humor, manipulation, intellect, self-delusion, and even honesty and truth; anything to not have to die.
When is the best time to do this?
Anytime. Just keep watching it at all times. Observe it and pay close attention to it when you interact with other people. When someone flatters you, how does this make you feel? How do you respond? Ask yourself who is it that is feeling and responding?
When someone reprimands you, how do you react, how does this make you feel? Do you feel wounded, hurt, ashamed, belittled, patronized? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
When someone rejects you, do you feel pain and suffering? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
When another validates you, approves you, do you feel good, uplifted, proud of yourself? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
When someone laughs at you, ridicules you, can you sincerely laugh with him or her or do you feel hurt? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
When someone confronts you, curses you, criticizes you, cheats you, steals from you, what do you feel? Who is it that is experiencing the hurt?
When someone loves you, who is feeling the love? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
Watch yourself when you make a mistake, make a fool of yourself, when you achieve something, get something, or learn something. Do you get a warm glow or a feeling of being puffed up when you do something that feels like you have made an accomplishment?
Do you get angry or defensive or sad when someone points out to you that you were making a mistake? Look to see if you try to defend your actions? Ask yourself who is this "I" that is feeling these emotions?
Are you competitive? Do you have a need to show off your skills? To show to others how wise, talented, sophisticated, cultured, cultivated, refined, learned, or educated you are? To play one up-man-ship, to be a teacher or to show people how learned you are?
How do you react if your wife, husband, lover leaves you? Do you fall apart? Ask yourself who is it that is falling apart?
What happens if you get fired? Do you feel wounded, angry, frustrated, thwarted, bitter, jaded, and cynical? Ask yourself who is it that is feeling all these emotions and sensations?
Do you get embarrassed or jealous? Ask yourself who is it that is getting jealous?
How do you feel if you get promoted, get a raise, make more money, get recognized and become famous? See your name in the newspaper? Who is it that is feeling these emotions?
These are perfect times and tests to find out where and what your ego is. You can use almost anything to gauge it during the day. Measure it and to see if you can trace yourself back to it.
Do you think it's even possible to totally become aware of all of these things?
Yes, you are this awareness if you like it or not. You just don't know it. It is the backdrop of everything. For this to come into the foreground permanently doesn't always happen overnight Just being able to see this gives one leverage to observe it with a much brighter floodlight because now you see it for what it is.
What exactly do you see when this ego death occurs?
What you see is how it was formed in the first place. How you were led to believe that this is who you are. How you came to misidentify yourself with it and how this conditioning and hypnosis took place over time. How your parents shaped it from the time you were about two and a half years old. By the way they spoke to you, mirrored you, loved you, disciplined you and told you who you were. How your interactions with your siblings and early childhood friends also shaped it.
How school indoctrinated you. How society and peer pressures shaped you by approving of certain types of behaviors, beliefs and disapproving of others. Understanding and seeing that much of what you think about yourself was imposed on you externally and drummed into you like a false mantra. A form of societal voodoo through the power of persuasion and suggestion.
How what you think about yourself is also a self-delusion; a way to make yourself feel better and more confident, to have self esteem, self pride and self love. You realize that in essence you have been barking up the wrong tree. Watering the wrong plant. It's not too different from believing that you were Cleopatra or Napoleon Bonaparte in a past life. You are doing the same thing but with another character in the present.
You will begin to see that all of these things are there to nurture yourself; to stroke your ego. To keep it inflated and puffed up or to create walls and defenses around you. Barriers and obstacles to hear only what it wants to hear that will make it feel good. To block out anything that brings it down, threatens it, questions it, depresses it or deflates it.
What you begin to see is that it is like an automatic thermostat that regulates itself, but also has built in defense mechanisms to hinder anyone from getting anywhere near it. Especially since getting too close to it could mean shutting it off, and this would mean death.
What else do you see about yourself by going through this process?
You see all the lies, the self-deception, the dishonest behavior, the falseness, the stupidity, and the sheer naked-ness of how unconscious you were; how absolutely vain you were. How manipulative and conniving and greedy and selfish you were.
You will see the falseness in your words and actions, the reasons and stimulus for your behavior. You will see the hidden motivations; the ulterior motives that you could not admit to yourself were even there. You will see the ugliness of this false person. You will see all the masks that you wear. You will see how you treat your boss or someone with money or fame differently from how you treat the garbage man or the postman. And how you are polite and respectful with one person and sharp and patronizing with another, no matter how subtle.
You will also see how you are filled with insatiable desires for sex, food, pleasure, comfort, stimulation, money, power and mostly attention, recognition, approval, validation and acceptance. You will see how you want to be unconditionally loved like a baby. To be pampered, stroked, cuddled, adored, worshiped and idolized.
You will see an unsuitable desire and need for wanting to fit in with others. Wanting to be part of the pack, the club, the group or society. Wanting to belong to some clique or private organization. To be part of the "in crowd" The trendy elite.
This is what the ego craves and desires the most; to be recognized and to be acknowledged. The last thing it wants is to be ignored or be dismissed as if it didn't even exist. It wants to stand out in any way possible, negatively or positively. Any kind of attention will do because it will feed on all of it including conflict, arguments, disagreements and war because it's all fuel. It's anything that will get others to notice it, sustain it and keep it alive.
So when all this is stripped away, how does it feel?
It is simply seen for what it is, it feels blissful, liberating, more than can be put into words. You feel like you are nature itself, like a flower that neither spins nor toils; beautiful, wonderful, a miracle. All sense of shame, fear, anxiety and embarrassment is gone. Nothing can faze you. Nothing anyone says can get to you. Because what you are is free and you have found your true center or see that there is no center at all.
You will see that all your problems do not come from outside of you, but from your misidentification with your ego; the false belief that you are a separate person. Separate from oneness, consciousness, God. This is the crux of the matter; this mistaken identity. The real cause for all your suffering is coming from inside of this false you. The source of all your problems is the identification with this false plastic manufactured self.
Why can't you just drop it? Get rid of it?
No, because there is no one there to drop it. Trying to drop something that doesn't exist is impossible and will have you spinning in circles chasing a phantom that doesn't exist; except in your mind.
The way to see this is to know that you are the awareness; the consciousness that witnesses the mind. There is really nothing you have to do because it is already doing what it does. There is no one to do anything. The way to clear a puddle of murky water is to not mess with it or to stir it up, but to leave it alone, step back, observe it and let it clear up by itself. It works the same way with the mind. The mind is like a wild beast; it is chaotic and uncontrollable and cannot be easily tamed.
Let it run its course and wear itself out, but do not engage it or ride it; otherwise you will be thrown off over and over again. Doing this is the insanity of it all; like going along for the roller coaster ride. Identifying with this roller coaster ride and believing this is you; the ups and downs, the disappointments, the satisfactions and the gains and losses. None of this is who you are because this can never be gained or lost, it was never Not there and it will always be there.
The self-identified mind is also cunning and subtle. It will even pretend to you that it has dropped itself. It will act as if it is now humble. It will put on another act; a false humility, which will reveal itself in self-deprecation. The way Hollywood actors do this when winning an Academy Award. All it's doing is hiding out; waiting for the first opportunity to rear its ugly head again. A way to test this is if you are aware of being humble, you know the ego is there. If you are aware of being charitable, you should know the ego is there. If one is aware of being holy, you should know the ego is there.
