Designer Religions Inc.
Andrew Paterson—01/2003 |
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Designer Religions Inc. is proud to present
their latest catalogue of spiritual ideology. Whether
you want control of a large population or just
to make loads of money, Designer Religions can
produce that special spiritual ideology to order. |
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 ELCOME
TO the
new edition of Designer Religions catalogue
where you will find the enormous benefits of our tailor-made
religions. Religions offer unparalleled opportunity
for both financial growth and population control that
is completely independent of market and social stability.
In fact, in troubled times they are one of the few
growth industries… making them the ideal investment. |
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| Designer Religions has been in the
business longer than most, and we will use our vast
repertoire of experience and proven track record to
expertly design packaged religious solutions to your
needs and target population. |
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| Following are some of the more popular packages.
All come with full weekend training, willing prophets,
quality leather-bound holy book and special effects: |
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| Package 1 |
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Includes: Angry and vengeful male god and very
strict code of conduct. This God is very capricious
and thinks nothing of destroying entire cities
and civilisation. Holy book included and host
of male prophets. Centres on belief in a "chosen
people" and good/evil polarisation. |
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Investment Record: Good return on this one,
although it very population specific. Good control
on adherents. |
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| Package 2 (Variation on Package
1) |
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Includes: Both the same angry and vengeful
male god as above but also a more loving and
gentle son of the above god. (Don't worry; we
have found that it is surprisingly easy to get
people to accept that gods have human children.)
Package 1 holy book and prophets included as
well as a whole new section to the holy book
outlining the exploits of gods son, and his eventual
demise at the hands of the people — useful
for loads of added guilt. |
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Investment Record: Fantastic and good control
as it is open to anybody. Also useful base for
very cruel and abusive behaviour in the name
of redemption. |
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| Package 3 (Variation
on Package 1) |
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Includes: Angry and vengeful male god of Package
1 as well as a male prophet who outlines behaviour
more suited to extremely patriarchal and harsh
societies. Includes variation on Package 1 holy
book with updated sections with strict rules
and enhanced good/evil polarisation. |
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Investment Record: Very good (not as good as
Package 2) but the control is second to none.
Great for justifying holy wars and violent behaviour
towards unbelievers. |
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| Package 4 |
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Includes: A whole array and hierarchy of gods
and goddesses complete with holy books and prophets.
Perfect for more matriarchal societies and for
maintaining strict societal hierarchy and population
passivity. Adherents unquestioningly devote themselves
to those running the religion. |
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Investment Record: Fantastic with total dependence
on the master. Great for maintaining a cheap
labour force. |
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| Package 5 |
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Includes: Secular package with prophet who
shows us how to become god-like. Teaching is
oral and revolves around letting go and accepting
everything as it is. Good package for societies
who find it difficult accepting gods. |
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Investment Record: Not that good but good population
control as it can induce great passivity and
strong dependency on the blessing of the master. |
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| Designer Religions can
also make smaller scale package to order, many of them
suited to single controllers. These are growing more
popular today as the outlay is smaller and time to
fruition is very quick. Small packages usually revolve
around a single enlightened or charismatic individual.
Don't worry if you don't feel up to the role as we
do give full training in serene facial expressions,
temper tantrums, creative accountancy, groundless litigation,
paranoia, useless dogma, obscene opulence and sexual
abuse. Scenarios we can create for you range from extraterrestrial-appointed
positions to manufactured guru lineages, bogus titles
and staged paranormal experiences. We can also successfully
camouflage religious packages to look like secular
self-growth, motivational and empowerment weekend courses. |
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So CALL US TODAY and you too could
be collecting disciples by the end of the week! (In
no time you will wonder how you ever managed without
them.) 1-800 458 87  |
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| WARNING: |
| Many of these packages, if used
incorrectly, can lead to genuine spiritual awakening.
People who are awake cannot be controlled and will
not allow for grossly unjust distribution of resources.
It is essential, therefore, to shield the target population
from a direct relationship with their own divinity
by keeping their focus on the guru or priest, and mindless
dogma. Designer Religions cannot be
held responsible for any black sheep that might develop
and strongly recommend that these trouble makers be
evicted from the flock at the earliest opportunity. |
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