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Telling the Truth
Andrew Paterson—06/2004 |
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How often do
we tell the truth, about who we are, what we are
feeling, what we are thinking? If truth be told,
hardly at all. It would seem that most people,
at least in Western society, play life like a poker
game, eking every advantage from a hidden hand.
The rewards for telling the truth, however, can
be both unexpected and profound. |
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 NE
ANCIENT METHOD used
to enlighten the mind is to continually ask ourselves, "Who
am I?" Trying to pin our
identity down in this way leads, with perseverance,
to the realization that the term itself is nonsensical
— our cherished personal identity is as ephemeral as
morning mist. And yet, most of us spend huge amounts
of effort hiding the illusion of who we think we are,
and presenting to the world an official "me". |
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| This is who I am — this person.
I am so and so. This is me. And I want you to believe
this illusion because if you don't, the tenuous nature
of who I think I am will be exposed, for few of us
have the strength of character, thank God, to support
our own illusion. We need others to bolster the lie
of identity, and from that need, society finds cohesion. |
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| The problem with lies, though, is that they have
a habit of multiplying. Lies breed like rabbits. So
we might think we are being very honest when we divulge,
for example, our feelings to a close friend, but if
those feelings are felt in the context of a false identity,
are they really our feelings? More likely, they are
generated to conform to and confirm that identity,
a process which is largely invisible to us because
it operates largely on an unconscious level? |
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| Have you ever found yourself dreaming, and incorporating
external stimuli into the dream? The morning alarm
goes off and in your dream perhaps you have triggered
a fire alarm. The mind is a skilful weaver of stories,
able to trot out consistent tales on the fly, no matter
how unbelievable. This happens primarily with unresolved
feelings — the mind weaves a story around those
feelings and then presents them to us in a way that
gives those feelings life. And whilst that illusion
might be useful for growth and resolution, they are
illusions nonetheless. |
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| This presents a problem: the illusions at the core
of our identity have no cracks or breaks; they are
not easy to spot by a mind looking for inconsistency.
for it is by inconsistency — a "glitch in
the matrix" — that we determine illusion.
The stories we tell about ourselves seem to always
be consistent (at least in the moment). There is no
glitch. And like watching a movie in a cinema that
we know is not real, we soon find ourselves lost in
the illusion. |
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| What is your story? Who do you tell yourself and
others that you are? What is the "you" that
you present to yourself and the world? My "me" is
a lovely guy, a really nice guy. In fact, he is so
nice, understanding and kind, that he has no known
enemies, except of course himself. For the true self
is always the enemy of the false self. If truth be
told he hates himself because he is not true to himself.
But what is self? Does he need only to substitute a
different, more real self? |
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| In reality, however, there is no "real" self.
He cannot substitute anything for that lie, and that
is the bind. If he were to be truthful, he would be
nothing. And he would present that "nothingness" to
the world, for that would be telling the truth. But
he has to be careful. for it is easy to simulate nothingness
as well! |
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| That reminds me of the joke about a rabbi telling
his congregation that he had finally found the answer
to life; that he had looked so deeply inside that he
realized truth. With all his focus, he draws himself
up and announces to them, "I am nothing!" Silence.
and then there is a little voice at the bank of the
synagogue. It is the cleaner, and he says, "Yes,
and I am nothing also." The rabbi looks indignant
and bellows, "YOU!! YOU are nothing??!!" |
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| So how do we rid ourselves of simulation when it
is the mind's nature to spin a yarn? How do we stop
that process of storytelling? How do we avoid entrapping
ourselves further into more subtle lies — lies which
can be much more difficult to identify? It is not easy
because our capacity for self-deception seems infinite.
But it can be done, and if we make the effort to do
it the rewards are great — and unexpected. |
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| The best way to stop spinning yarns about ourselves
is to get out of our minds — switch off our story spinning
machines. (Another perspective might be to focus or
anchor our minds.) When we do that we feel a relief
and energy because we are no longer repressed by who
we think we are. We feel freedom. The main method used
by society is currently a combination of alcohol, music
and drugs. They numb the mind and distort our identity.
But they only give us short-term release, and can damage
our systems in the process (not to mention other people!). |
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| The healthiest and long-term most rewarding way to
soften identity is to increase our focus on the physical
world, using it to anchor ourselves. Many spiritually
oriented people feel claustrophobic in physical reality,
because they mistakenly see it as a trap to the spirit,
when in fact it is the mind that is the trap. The physical
allows us to ground ourselves, limiting our flights
of fancy and opening the door to a more subtle knowing
of ourselves to develop. It is not a trap but liberation.
(Materialism is a problem of the mind, not of physical
reality.) |
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| Perhaps the best physical anchor is our breath. Whilst
we are alive, we are always breathing. Being a dynamic
process rather than a static object, the breath is
relatively easy to focus upon, although, to the untrained
mind, focusing on anything for extended periods of
time can be difficult. Can you focus on your breathing
for just 30 seconds without getting lost in fantasies
and thoughts? Most people can't and, indeed, have never
even tried. Just 30 seconds… it is not a long
time. If you can do it, if you can quiet the mind,
you will feel liberation… in just 30 seconds. |
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| So telling the truth is dependant upon how quiet
and focused our minds are. A noisy mind is the father
of lies: it spins out fantasy after fantasy; churning
out endless identities in its dance of deceit. And
each of those identities is a lie that fools ourselves
and others into believing that we are somebody, rather
than nobody. We forget that the nobodies in life actually
have the most fun, and the greatest potential to realisation.
The nobodies are actually the most liberated. And the
nobodies are the people from which we can learn the
most. |
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| A useful exercise when our and about, living our
lives, is to continually ask ourselves who we are being
at a particular moment in time. Are we our job, a sex
god or goddess, an elder, the wise one, a father, a
mother, a lover, a geek, a teacher, a down and out,
a fool, an Adonis, a siren, a scientist, a monk, a
scallywag, a drunk, an enlightened one, a shrinking
violet, an old codger, or any combination of these?
Who are we at each moment? Of course, we may be so
lost in a physical process like painting, playing sport,
sewing or sex that there is a welcomed respite in this
role playing (this is why any activity that takes us
out of our usual identity is so popular). But it is
not long before our fear of being nothing jolts us
into spinning another tale about ourselves. Human beings
are comforted by lies. |
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| The irony is that although we are comforted by lies,
we are most comfortable around people who are telling
the truth. There is nothing more disconcerting than
to be around someone who continually plays roles. However,
we are always prepared to accept the stories of others
in return for a similar favour. We trade in lies and
that trade is called friendship. Friends have an unspoken
agreement to uphold each others fantasies. It is a
mutual conspiracy of identity. That is how most friends
bond. (Occasionally, friends will tell the truth to
each other to release the intolerable pressure of deceit,
but only during intense or intimate moments.) |
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| Start telling the truth and you are likely to lose
many of your friends and associates, including the
ones you thought were closest to you. That is why intimate
relationships usually fail in the longer term; lovers
are notorious for upholding each other's lies, until
the cold light of day, which invariably dawns, reveals
the deceit. And when that agreement to mutually overlook
lies of identity is broken, we feel personally betrayed.
We feel furious and ashamed. If we are mature, we can
go on to build relationships on a more real foundation,
although many escape by finding new lovers (new conspirers),
focusing on having children, working impossible hours
or taking drugs (like alcohol). |
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| But truth-telling is a road that all souls must eventually
travel, for otherwise we stagnate in who we think we
are and what we think we deserve. That process of letting
go happens naturally as we get older, but when we are
dragged, kicking and screaming, towards liberation
we often do not appreciate it in the moment. Many older
people look shell-shocked, harbouring deep resentments
that life has seemingly betrayed who they think they
are (or at least were), when in fact life is liberating
them from identity. Old age can be an enlightening
experience if it is accepted for what it is, a letting
go of identity. Unfortunately, we often prefer to cling
to the identity and project that feeling of deterioration
onto the physical body instead. And the body naturally
complies with the belief in physical decay. |
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The road to happiness and fulfilment is to acknowledge,
in every facet of our lives, that we really are nothing.
Telling the truth in this way is liberating. No wonder,
in a society obsessed with celebrity, fame and individualism,
we are so unhappy and enslaved. No wonder our emotions
are so capricious: their very foundation is a lie.
Isn't it time we told the truth?  |
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| "If one tells
the truth, one is sure, sooner or later to
be found out." |
| Oscar
Wilde |
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| Andrew Paterson is an independent writer currently living in London. He has no affiliation to any religious or political organisation. To contact him, please email . |
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